I am not.

I am now in the midst of my final stretch. I have begun interning as a student teacher, kicking things off in a 5th grade classroom, and I could not be enjoying it more! I must say, though, I often feel like I am learning more than my students.

Numerous times throughout my almost four years of college, I have groaned with the anticipation of graduation, and I must say, I have never been more ready for it; that groaning has not stopped. I am so thankful to have been so blessed by God with the opportunity to pursue higher education. Over the course of the last semester of this season of my life, I have been reflecting on the ways that God has broken me and changed me during my college career. He keeps bombarding me with these "aha!" moments in which I get to see a small snippet of a bigger picture, a reason behind His shaping and molding of me, a better idea of just how far I still have to go and, how I am completely and constantly in need of his grace and mercy every single day. I am not claiming to have any profound wisdom to share, only one simple reflection:



God is God; I am not. 

As a soon-to-be teacher, I have been painfully struck with this truth. Each day I stand before a horde of young souls, sinners like myself, with unique personalities and changing, growing ideas. Some of these kids go home after school to hugs and every possible support they could need. Other students, though, go home to loneliness and addiction-diseased environments. It seems that they have the entire world working against them. My teacher-heart breaks every time they walk through my door, have an outburst, break down in tears, or give up on work that they have no idea they are capable of.  There is no way I can fix their situations. There is no way I can give them all of what they need.

It is enough to drive one to despair, people. Absolute despair.
If you don't know God.

Praise God I am not in control! I caught myself last week saying, "I guess all I can do is pray for them." ALL I can do is pray? Is prayer such a minor action, such a last resort, that I would lessen its importance. Well, yes, depending on who I believe my God is.

What I believe about God drastically changes how I perceive this truth that "God is God, and I am not."

Shocked at my devaluing of communication with my Creator, I was broken before Him. If He cared enough to turn His back on His Son so that I could boldly approach His throne, how could I ever view prayer as a last resort, as any less powerful than it actually is? I begged Him to remind me, to refresh me, to reteach me.

Though I do not claim to have suffered as he did, God speaks to me through His response to Job when Job is struggling with the hand he has been dealt. In chapter 38, it is written:

1Then the LORD answered Job from the whirlwind:

2“Who is this that questions my wisdom

with such ignorant words?

3Brace yourself like a man,

because I have some questions for you,

and you must answer them.

4“Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth?

Tell me, if you know so much.

5Who determined its dimensions

and stretched out the surveying line?

6What supports its foundations,

and who laid its cornerstone

7as the morning stars sang together

and all the angels^a shouted for joy?

8“Who kept the sea inside its boundaries

as it burst from the womb,

9and as I clothed it with clouds

and wrapped it in thick darkness?

10For I locked it behind barred gates,

limiting its shores.

11I said, ‘This far and no farther will you come.

Here your proud waves must stop!’

I could say that God is powerful, but that word does not even come close to describing Him. He is beyond what mere human words and thoughts could understand to be powerful. HE TELLS THE OCEAN WHERE TO STOP, Y'ALL. Why, then, do we tend to belittle prayer? Why, then, to we tend to resort to it last?

More importantly, God is good. To the core, He is good. Believing that, actually wholeheartedly believing that truth, also transforms how I approach Him. It makes me want to be closer to Him, more like Him. It makes me trust Him.

God is God, and I am not. I am not powerful. I can't even change some of the smallest things I would like to change, let alone tell the ocean where it may and may not stretch. I am not good to the core. I have evil, selfish, wretched thoughts and desires. I cannot live on my own.

I am so overwhelmed, remembering the final two stanzas of powerful truth found in the old hymn, "In Christ Alone":

There in the ground Hid body lay, 
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in Victory, 
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
for I am His and He is mine--
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death--
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny. 
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home--
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

I desperately need Him. Sin's curse has lost its grip on me, and, because of that glorious truth, I can approach Him. I get to approach Him. His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Prayer is not powerful in and of itself. God is. He is most powerful. So, coming before the Highest Power in all my weakness is the most powerful thing I can do! 

Take some time this week to allow God to remind you of who He is. Write it down where you can see it. Tell Him of His greatness and be refreshed by knowing whose hands you are in. Thank Him that this life is not up to you, but that Jesus commands your destiny. Let Him change your heart of prayer and push you toward a life of constantly leaning on Him. 

God is God; I am not.

Praise God for that. 

Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good! His steadfast love endures forever! -Ps. 136:1